Your Beliefs Can Not and Will Not Change Your Kid's Lifestyle Choice
Courtesy: Oprah Magazine
About 6 years ago I wrote a piece on SBM called "How Would You React to Having A Gay Child?" It was written within the context of thinking what if parenting is nothing like what I expect it to be? I wanted to challenge myself to think about who I was at my core; was my love conditional? What I did to gain some clarity was think about my father growing up. I only lived with him for about 7 years and even with as flawed as he was, I thought he was that dude. At that moment, I realized that was all that mattered. My kid will place me on a pedestal by default. I've got to love them the same way.
This week Dwyane Wade's family has been at the forefront of the news because his 12 year old daughter Zaya decided that she would like to now be referred to as a girl. Sexual orientation conversations are some of the most polarizing in contemporary society. Without fail, this story and its revelation has brought about a host of takes. My take is simple, lack of support changes nothing.
I really enjoy seeing folks support a Black family embracing their child this way.
I've heard a whole gambit of takes. I know super Christian folks are like "not in my house!" but I mean, what does that mean? You're not going to make a child straight after that. As a kid, I liked girls. No one told me to like them, it's what I was attracted to. Shout outs to Kelly Kapowlski and Topanga; good night. But really, it's obvious, it's your house and your rules, but what are you trying to avoid? You want to set a dress code? Go for it. But your child will still embrace an alternative lifestyle if they believe that's what's natural for them.
We get so caught up in these ideas of who we would like our kids to be to a certain extent.
I allude to this in the aforementioned article and still feel this way. I would love to have a son. I'd love to raise a guy that would have a lot of my same sensibilities as a man that I think lack generally speaking. At the same token, I'm not ignorant of the fact that I may have a daughter one day. I may have a child who embraces a non hetero lifestyle. There's a whole myriad of scenarios that are tangibly possible. But my job as a man and as a parent is to be a picture of consistency.
Courtesy: BCK Online
My kid should be able to count on me, no matter who they desire to be that's legal under the sun. I can't forbade a sexual preference and neither can you. Ric Flair used to say "you can like it, or learn to love it." It's really that simple. We have to check our egos at the door. Life is not the righteousness Olympics. It's so much more than that, so much more nuanced than that. Believe that in your final moments when you transition, you'll be judged on how much integrity you lived your life with. How did you enrich the lives of others when you had the opportunity? If you ask me, that's the real shit that matters. You have a responsibility as a parent to protect your child and to pour good energies into your child. If you're holding that down, how would anyone blame you for handling what's called for you to?
Do not view your child's lifestyle choice as some sort of rebellious act if it isn't what you expected.
What I will say as it pertains to sex reassignment surgery is that should be done when a child is of some consenting age like 18. That's a more serious procedure and life change to consider that I don't believe you have enough context for as a child. I do believe you know who you're attracted to from very early on. Dwyane Wade said he noticed it in his then son around 3 years old.
We have to embrace what is. Some folks don't want to accept that due to their ego or religious beliefs. But that will change nothing in regards to the lifestyle your child wants to live. You are your child's first advocate. You should be your child's biggest advocate. If you aren't, then it's you who is being a disservice onto yourself. I'll hope your kid finds a love they're deserving of otherwise.
Courtesy: NBC News
So let's drop our ego. Let's appreciate a Black man supporting his child in a unique and polarizing scenario. It's Valentine's Day. It costs you nothing to spread love. There can never be enough of that.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
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