Maybe A Man Should Love A Woman More Than She Loves Him?

Courtesy:Everything Girls Love

It's been 6 years since The Best Man Holiday released. 

After going out to catch that movie, a conversation ensued where I heard the phrase that a man should love a woman more than she loves him. Naturally, I wrote about it. You can read the piece here. At the time I didn't agree with the phrase and I saw it more at a surface level. But with time, experience and growth, I now view the phrase differently.

Initially I felt like people should go into relationships as equals in pretty much every sense. But as of late, I've been thinking about what kind of man I'd want a future child of mine to date, or my niece, or any other lady family member for that matter. What began to occur was that I started thinking about what it means to date deliberately.

What is trying to be accomplished?

I realized that no matter what, I'm trying to convey that the said person is my clear choice. The whole idea of a man "loving" a woman more than she loves him became more about security. How reassuring can you be for a woman? What type of vibe or environment are you creating for said woman to feel safe loving you? The idea became more nuanced to me. It was no longer like rock, paper, scissors, you love, I love, SHOOT! It all became more about intention, and having actions back up whatever the said intentions are.

The true definition of all of this became that a woman shouldn't decide to love until she feels safe enough to love. That period of time when a guy is "proving" himself to be worthy is probably what is referred to as a man loving a woman more than she loves him.

Essentially, he's putting himself out there with no guarantees with the hopes that you see that and value it.

I wanted to revisit the idea because I felt like I had an "ah ha" moment. I don't blame any woman for doing her best to guarantee that she won't invest emotionally in someone and it be one-sided. As a guy, you take calculated risks. You should have a decent idea of who is feeling you and who isn't. And if you feel the women that feel you back, then you should feel fine creating a space that said women feel that they can open up to you accordingly.

Leave it to me to take a phrase literally, it's just is who I am. My theories that I've written about seldom change. I thought it was important to showcase some growth. I'm beginning to understand the role that I play in these things at least. It really helps to direct my energies and and actions when necessary.

Do you feel that a man should love a woman more than she loves him? I'm always here for the talk. These are my words and I make no apologies.


  1. You hit it right on the nail. I was having a similar conversation a few weeks ago and the young lady said that she has no problem submitting her heart to a man but she has to feel safe enough to do so. That period, as you mentioned, is that time when the man usually goes into overdrive to seal the deal...which may look like to other that he’s loving her more than she loves him. Perfectly written...I’m about to pose this question to a few more people and see what they think.

  2. Where was this advice when I actually gave a man the room to love me... man the level of uncertainty and insecurity I went through... good lordt. Thanks for this!


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