Maybe Men Are Trash

Admittedly, in younger years I was one of those "not all men" type of men. 

Please bare with me as I feel the collective eye rolls of any woman reading this. But in recent times I'm noticing that what I was doing in those former moments was not taking myself out of the equation. At the time I thought that I was, but I really wasn't.

In recent years, through my dating journeys and speaking with different women, I realize that there are just way too many horror stories about men out there. In the past I've touched on subjects like first date conversations, or the corniness of leaking nudes, or guys being selfish in bed, but the issues I continue to hear far surpass even any of those things. I mean I've heard stories of men lacking taking initiative or just not possessing common courtesy. Hell, men paying on dates still rile up anyone's timeline.

I began to think that there are way too many egregious transgressions we commit as men to disagree with what these women were saying in any way. It doesn't matter that we haven't done the act that a woman is describing to us in that moment. Someone, somewhere did the wrong thing in that woman's estimation. It's important to note, to recognize, and respect how prevalent these happenings are. 

Women aren't pulling these stories out of thin air.

Knowing this, I started to think even deeper while considering myself. I take a lot of pride in making decisions with integrity. I consider myself a high character person. But I also know that there's no way that I'm everyone's favorite. Women have been upset with me at points in my life. I'm no stranger to having been insensitive in the past or not communicating effectively. Sometimes as men, we piss off women even having done everything "right." We can be candid about everything asked of us but some women have their own realities or narratives that they will paint in their minds as well. Maybe they weren't "the one." Maybe she tried to assert herself a certain way and you just didn't budge.  At some point in life, we have all been that "trash" man to some woman. As irrational as that can be sometimes, it still is what it is. Everyone isn't going to be pleased with us regardless of how well we feel we handled a situation or internalized it.

There are a myriad of perspectives for almost everything. 

There is a large contingency of men who are conventionally "trash." Meaning that they're outwardly ignorant and disrespectful. They're chauvinistic people. Then there are men who are quite delusional like a Fabolous for instance.

Maybe even calling him delusional is being too generous. Toxic would probably be the adjective we would stamp him with these days. But he is someone who has manipulated and abused this woman for years. Our community at large has mourned for Emily vociferously as well, obviously to no avail. It wasn't until he decided that he wanted to act "right" that he felt comfortable posting messages like the one that you see above this paragraph. At forty plus years old you cannot just be becoming the accountable version of yourself as a man. It's a joke if that's the case for someone who has spent the majority, if not all of their time in the "free world."

Ultimately, I don't think you have to dismiss the phrase "men are trash." 

Naturally, if the shoe doesn't fit you'd have a natural defense towards hearing such a thing. But take a second, and keep in mind how many negative experiences women have with men where they reach a point of exhaustion where that's how they sum up their feelings. Let hearing that phrase serve as a reminder for the things you aren't striving to be. If a woman happens to utter such a thing to you, more than likely, she isn't speaking about you either, simply expressing frustration. We only improve things by holding each other more accountable. So yeah, maybe men are trash but you can change some woman's reality out there.

Happy New Year!