Sex After A First Date And The Conversations That Should Follow

Courtesy: Kamdora

This past weekend I came across a Youtube show called Pass The Bluntness. It's a lighthearted interview show that asks people to speak on millennial type taboo subjects. The latest episode is centered around sex after a first date. Of course there's a litany of ideas on it and I thought the show covered it all rather well. One subject that I think isn't spoken on enough is sexual health. 

During this episode the question was asked as to if there is a conversation with a date as to their sexual health status. The participants were very honest about whether or not they have those conversations and why it can be difficult at times. One gentleman in particular said that he tries to go off of a woman's "vibe" more than anything. He felt he needed to protect himself more with someone who he deemed as being more promiscuous than "normal." I applaud that transparency.

It's understood in matters regarding sex that many times one thing may lead to another and in the midst of that energy things go down and some important topics may not have been spoken on. However, the stigma that you have to be even more cautious with someone who you deem as promiscuous can also be dangerous as well.

Thanks to podcasts that I follow such as Inner Hoe Uprising, CockTales, and Whoreible Decisions, to name a few, they have highlighted many times over the difficulty of having these conversations. They have also done the work to try and destigmatize what it means to be someone in this world who "has something." Ultimately what I want to convey here is that promiscuity doesn't guarantee that someone is always more prone to catching something. There are so many variables involved in those cases. As a matter of fact, I would venture to say that more sexually active people actually stay on top of their statuses more than anyone else. I venture to say that based off of the population of people that I know.

Protecting yourself is also paramount. 

The element of gambling will always be present if we don't have these pertinent conversations. Eddie Murphy spoke to it very specifically in "RAW."

But back to destigmatization, we can't have monolithic thoughts regarding how these diseases or infections are contracted. They aren't all caught from someone humping everything that moves. That's a juvenile way of thinking and if you're reading this, you're certainly not of juvenile age. Sometimes, life really happens to people. I know people personally who may have contracted something from being sexually assaulted. I know people personally who were in relationships and their partner brought them an infection or disease.

The issue, at least for me, is less about promiscuity and more about honesty. Being honest about how often you get checked is important, and the grown thing to do. There is never shame in being honest. If you're someone who is living with a disease, it's your responsibility to let someone know and allow them the choice as to if they want to move forward or not. It's the grown thing to do. But pinning people who are promiscuous as somewhat dirty from the jump isn't right. You do yourself a disservice to your own health by subscribing to that mentality. 

Be safe with everyone you sleep with.

Be honest with the people that you sleep with. I know that people are grown and hate condoms. I'm not the Jimmy Hat police although my friends might say otherwise. But if you're not going to wear condoms then other conversations should be had. Are you all exclusively sleeping with one another? Are there any other forms of birth control involved? Have you all gotten tested recently enough to comfortably dig with an open mind? 

I mean at the end of the day sex should feel free and fun and liberating. 

What's more liberating than knowing where you guys stand with one another and what the parameters are? With that knowledge you can maximize the most out of your encounters and moments together. That goes for everyone, from those who are super stringent, to those who would be labeled as promiscuous. No one is exempt from having the ability to catch something, so it's a waste trying to label one sect of people as the poster children of harboring infections and diseases. It's alright to evolve our thinking.

These are my words and I make no apologies.