Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't...

... or so it sometimes seems. It's Friday night and I just finished having a good conversation with one of my cousins. The nature of the conversation is a pretty common one I think many men can relate to. This is the case of the newly single woman. I can't speak for anyone else but myself and I know I've faced this scenario even from my high school years. I will warn you all from now that I'm not sure if I have answers to this issue. Just bare with me and hear me out ta bien (okay)?

I think men sometimes go through little phases in which they have interest in a certain woman but that woman is in a relationship. What would make matters worse is God forbid she was in a relationship and happy! When you put those two things together you take the wind out of a brotha's sails. A guy goes from wanting the girl to wanting her but feeling a little bit sour about wanting her. For all intensive purposes there's really nothing you can do. A wise man once told me a woman does what she wants when she wants regardless of what you may think is right or wrong. Those are some of the truest words ever said to me and have held true thus far. With that being said nothing goes until she goes. I certainly don't advise that you as a man or woman wait for someone to become single. Keep an open mind talk to others or do what I like to call "actively waiting." This would negate you feeling like you wasted any time hoping for something that  may or may not happen.

The root of what I would like to speak about really though is that funny time when a woman becomes single and you want to approach her and express interest. For one, this period of time is confusing for a man. In this era of women quick to call someone "thirsty" for showing interest. it seems fellas really have to step on egg shells. Men hate to be confused, we lack patience in that regard. We don't feel like reading between lines, most of our thinking is pretty black and white. That brings me to ask when exactly is the right time? Is there a right approach? I'm sure a lot of this is contingent upon the nature of a woman's break up. If it was ugly and drawn out you probably have to go through a healing phase. If that woman isn't healing then maybe she's trying to just be alone because she wants to learn herself better. I guess it's a myriad of things. If a woman's break up was more of an amicable nature then maybe it makes life easier for us all.

A common difficulty men also face is walking the fine line between playing it cool and going overboard while making sure you're doing enough to hold interest. I've been through situations where you could say I've dropped the ball by not showing enough interest. Conversely I've been in situations where I've shown too much. I liken this to damn near walking on egg shells. Guys all around want to understand this better. I don't know if a man can help himself in these situations. The best a man can always do is always remain respectful in his approach. In return men need honesty. One thing a guy doesn't need is a woman trying to save face by not being honest and just trying to stay in his eyes in a positive light. We just want clarity. If you not digging us say nay, if you want to talk say yay. It's never that simple though is it?

Just something that's been on my mind and I want a better understanding ladies and gents I need your feedback.

Be good