Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't

I suffer from a problem ladies and gentlemen. As a matter of fact many of us men suffer from a problem. I will go on record and say that by standards of "machismo" this will be one of my most sappiest posts yet. I do feel it is important though to get inside the psyche of a "good guy." Some might even call me too good. But for every victory is a story and to every madness there's a method. My story might be similar to many. And today I want you to see the real struggle it is walking the line of being too good or soft of a guy, and being complete asshole. This was more of a disclaimer than an introduction... but y'all bear with the kid.

My early childhood was quite hectic. I wouldn't change it for nothing as I did so much shit that people my age now still haven't done. I was able to travel, and i was really fortunate enough to have a warm family. I'm lucky for that, and I'm always appreciative. But there was another side of my childhood. The next side of my childhood was in the home and witnessing a bad relationship between my parents. Now the story begins long before I was born but let's say it's quite proverbial in it's nature. To put things in a nutshell my mother was no different than many of you young ladies. My mother tried the "ride or die" deal and it ultimately didn't work. My father's mistreatment of my mother some physical and a lot verbal goes on before I was even thought of. This begs to ask the question of why did she stay? Of course I asked this question maybe at 11, and her answer had something to do with love. I guess we'll come back to that.

By the time I was born and became aware of my home and those in it I cannot ever remember a period of bliss. From my early childhood I have more memories of my mother aggravated and upset than of her being happy with who she was with. To the point that in 1996 or 1997 when my mother said she was getting divorced I knew unequivocally  that it was the right choice. I was happy and relieved. As much as I loved my father at the time I guess for simply being around I looked up to him as a little boy. But I knew he we being "ignorant" as my mother would often say, and he wasn't getting along well with my older brother. So something needed to change.

Those experiences shaped how I would treat women forever. I saw my mom cry many times and vowed that I would never mistreat a woman. Contrary to that I'd want to do everything (within reason) to make whatever woman I loved happy. I can't stand arguments and i can't stand having someone upset with me. All of this stems from those early years.

When I first started college a girl I was starting  to talk to once said "I thought you were soft, so I really wasn't interested." This comes after talking about some event where I exclaimed something  in a vehement manner. I honestly felt disrespected. What did she want? Would you rather I molly whop you up and down Nassau Hall? It confused me but I continued to be me, and for a time that was good enough. Men have a pressure on them and I will tell you what it stems from.  Too often guys are confused, what type of guy do I have to be to garner the kind of woman I want? It's a pressure not needed. The correlation of a guy being nice to someone and his life experiences can be congruent to a woman being promiscuous and how her childhood shaped that lifestyle.

This whole idea of nice guys finishing last is embedded in many women. And many men have succumbed to the perpetuation of the logic. Too many times men have seen a girl they're into get whisked away by someone you simply can only scratch your head at. For the women ho like a rough guy and is intrigued by his "soft side" or for women who only go for "bad boys," you have to understand that a nice guy is being himself. Do we need an edge? I think everyone does. But nothing should be held against a nice guy, you don't know his story. This guy might be the biggest bad ass you met, fuck what happens in the hood, or who is going to fight for you. Who has conquered obstacles and will die trying to make something of themselves in this world as well as try to keep you happy?

You have to hear these guys out. All too often these people are over looked and they are stronger than what meets the eye. My mother  15 years ago was just leaving that version of woman that didn't heed the writings on the wall. It took a threat from my father for her to call it quits. A marriage of  almost 20 years and nothing had changed essentially from the years of dating. When I see ladies in similar situations these days I feel it in a whole other way. I almost take it personal because I know how these things are likely to turn out and I know people who ignored warning signs i.e. my mother.

This post doesn't come from a guy today with a mere opinion, it's me speaking from an experience. We good guys don't get cut much slack and I'd argue we put up with the most. I would also argue that we've seen the most and simply want to be men we can be proud of in the least. This story made me the nice guy. I always say all I need is an open ear for opportunity. To any ladies reading this be an open ear for something different, something good. Give yourself a chance to be treated like a queen, give your chance to smile more than you frown. And if your mind isn't as ease, that's reason enough to reevaluate things. Moral of my story is most nice guy's aren't exactly too nice per-say; but rather maybe we just know better.

What do you think?