Quick Fixes


Lately I think I have been pushed to think about even more ideas to write about. I have gotten good feedback and suggestions from family and friends this week and I can definitely say I enjoyed everything I put out this week thoroughly.

Tonight (or this morning) I speak of sweeping things under the rug. I notice within myself and in other relationships that I observe that sometimes we try to execute what I will call quick fixes. When you hear people speaking of quick fixes you think things such as drugs, or alcohol, or compulsive eating, etc. People get involved into these things and sometimes they become addictions and they're usually doing it to cover up a much more bigger and visceral issue. This is how I see quick fixes in relationships.

Quick fixes manifest themselves in relationships in a few ways.

Quick Fixes

Being passive during arguments

Making up for things with gifts

Saying what you know wants to be heard (not what you believe)

Doing what you know wants to be done (Not doing things organically)

Lying just to shut the other up

Some of you may read the aforementioned points and say "As well he/she should!" I get that, but when you do things with the wrong intent, you're damaging your integrity and the integrity of your relationship. In the short run it's real cute to paint a picture and give the vibe off that all is well. But if you know there's more to be addressed, then it's imperative that you do so. Things will feel good in the moment, they may provide hope, but you both aren't really being fooled. You doing nice things in the wrong spirit negates exactly what you're doing. We have to address issues, and you pulling a little rabbit out the hat here and there is not going to cut it. Do not fall so quickly for nice gestures whatever they may be. I say you appreciate it what was done but be cognizant that the issue is still there, your partner might simply be trying to buy more time. Just a little food for thought, what do you think?

Comments

  1. NequiaJuly 18, 2011 at 3:03 PM

    Ah, your quick fixes on relationships are so so so very true. Good read, I enjoyed it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. CarrymelJuly 18, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    I've done some of these quick fixes before and they definitely are just that - they temporarily fix things! Nothing major.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dawn Laci JordanJuly 18, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    Hey where did you get your "you might like also widget' and the twitter and FB bar at the bottom?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stiletto MindedJuly 18, 2011 at 5:10 PM

    I use to be passive during arguments and I would chalk it up to me not being an argumentative person but then I started saying my part and making it all clear and the results have been different. Quick fixes may seem easy at the time but they may build up and end up hurting someone in the end.

    great post!


    www.stilettominded.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. KarinaJuly 19, 2011 at 12:16 PM

    I agree with Soft Spoken. I used to be the same, not wanting to step on anyone's toes. But I think its necessary to speak up. You'll be doing not just yourself a favor, but the other person as well!:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. LovelyladyjbJuly 19, 2011 at 1:31 PM

    I agree with this post. They help for the time being, but quick fix = BS, if you really think about it. LOL. If I get a gift after a fight, the argument is definitely not over. Gifts don't fix issues.

    Good post!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJuly 19, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    i LOVE THIS POST....My significant other and I talk about this all the time and in every one of our disagreements and arguments we make sure that we are communicating in a positive manner, that we are not raising our voices or cursing at each other and that we are being honest...as ALWAYS...GREAT JOB!

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousJuly 25, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    I agree with this 100%. I am taking a Couples Counseling class right now for my graduate degree and we often speak about nonverbal signals. A lot of these "sweeping under the rug acts" are accompanied by negative nonverbal signals (like eye rolls, contempt glares, ect). It is not good for the individual to hold back feelings nor is it good for the couple to have this "fake" happiness going on.

    ReplyDelete

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