Compromising Positions


Some of the most interesting relationships to me are those that feature many mutual friends. They can be some of the most fun relationships being that there's a level of comfort in each other and who the other is hanging out with. You're probably able to go many places together, no one has to feel awkward or left out. You have mutual confidants if some issues arise; there's many pluses to this.

I myself have been in relationships in which I and the person I was seeing had mutual friends, and at the time it doesn't seem like anything much. But an interesting thing happens in the event that you all break up. Not so much the break up, but the nature of that break up and if any judgments are passed. If we get into issues of abuse or infidelity and deception then you would think some mutual friends would feel compelled to choose a side. It's a pretty toxic situation and a situation i call a grown situation. What I mean is that this will be a learning experience for all involved, and in this predicament everyone involved has a different role.

The Hurt:

Has to understand that her/his mutual friends won't necessarily want to get involved in any information sharing.

He/she also has to understand that their ex may remain friends with the mutual, and that's perfectly fine.

The Wrong (Person in the wrong) :

Can't expect for any sides to be taken

Must accept responsibility for whatever damaged

Must be humble and apologetic

Mutual Friends:

Should not be forced to choose a side

They reserve the right to be objective

They are not to be blamed for anything (unless they were involved primarily)



I have been in situations where I have been upset with someone and things broke off, and I had to accept that this person didn't do anything to anyone else. If I'm that angry about it that's fine, but everyone else already feels awkward and I know they'd hate to lose a friend. So you have to absolutely take those things in stride and be mature about it all. To eventually be amicable again would be a real sign of maturation and i think your friends would definitely appreciate it.

How do y'all feel?

Comments

  1. CarrymelJuly 11, 2011 at 10:33 AM

    This is an interesting post. . .I think the relationship I'm in right now is one where we both have mutual friends and it's prob the only relo I've had like that. I honestly agree with these tips, however I feel like a lot of our friends would choose a side. While we have mutual friends, we are definitely each closer to some than we are to others.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SheaJuly 13, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    I am newly divorced, a little over a year. My ex and I had several mutual friends. He wronged me, and only a few of our friends knew about the issue. I have noticed almost all of our friends have kinda sided with me for whatever reason or another. I didn't really take notice at first but he has some issues and I guess I wasn't the only person that noticed. My situation was pretty bad but I never involved anyone, I knew I wouldn't want to be put in that situation as a friend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. NequiaJuly 14, 2011 at 5:03 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. NequiaJuly 14, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    Thanks for the comment on my blog! Yours is pretty awesome, with all the relationship advice & stuff! :)
    & Thanks for the follow!
    Hope to hear from you more!
    Nequia x

    ReplyDelete
  5. London Factory FashionJuly 15, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    really like your blog, be sure to check out mine i think youd really like it.
    londonfactoryfashion.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Does The "WYD Guy" Exist and How Do We Get Rid of Him?

Image
It baffles me that in my late 20's I still hear stories about guys who lack conversational skills. I've alluded to this in past pieces, one of which you can check out here . That piece was written over 3 years ago. Today this type of guy is labeled as the "wyd guy." He's the dude that texts "wyd" ad nauseam throughout a given day.  Over the past few months, I've noticed that women continue to deal with this kind of person. I was curious to know what some experiences were like for you ladies. I reached out to a few good women to pick their brain. Hopefully you all share the goods. Let's get into it. Have you seen a decline in male conversational skills through the years? Tass :  First question. I haven't seen any studies suggesting a decline in the conversational skills of men. What I personally see is the continuation of low expectations and accountability for men unable to have strong communication skills outside of business/sport...
Read more

Maybe A Man Should Love A Woman More Than She Loves Him?

Image
Courtesy: Everything Girls Love It's been 6 years since The Best Man Holiday released.  After going out to catch that movie, a conversation ensued where I heard the phrase that a man should love a woman more than she loves him. Naturally, I wrote about it. You can read the piece here.  At the time I didn't agree with the phrase and I saw it more at a surface level. But with time, experience and growth, I now view the phrase differently. Initially I felt like people should go into relationships as equals in pretty much every sense. But as of late, I've been thinking about what kind of man I'd want a future child of mine to date, or my niece, or any other lady family member for that matter. What began to occur was that I started thinking about what it means to date deliberately. What is trying to be accomplished? I realized that no matter what, I'm trying to convey that the said person is my clear choice. The whole idea of a man "loving" a ...
Read more

Maybe Men Are Trash

Image
Admittedly, in younger years I was one of those "not all men" type of men.  Please bare with me as I feel the collective eye rolls of any woman reading this. But in recent times I'm noticing that what I was doing in those former moments was not taking myself out of the equation. At the time I thought that I was, but I really wasn't. In recent years, through my dating journeys and speaking with different women, I realize that there are just way too many horror stories about men out there. In the past I've touched on subjects like first date conversations , or the corniness of leaking nudes , or guys being selfish in bed , but the issues I continue to hear far surpass even any of those things. I mean I've heard stories of men lacking taking initiative or just not possessing common courtesy. Hell, men paying on dates still rile up anyone's timeline. I began to think that there are way too many egregious transgressions we commit as men to disagree with what th...
Read more